But how do you obtain knowledge? Do you read books? Do you watch videos and attend seminars? Do you enroll in training courses? Do you communicate with people who have the knowledge you wish to obtain? The answer is YES to all four questions. But the problem is, many people don't know how to listen, read and communicate in order to obtain the knowledge provided to them.

Here are some tips to help you increase your knowledge:

Listening Skills

1. Pay close attention to the answer a person gives after you ask them a question. Although this sounds simple to do, the problem occurs when the listener does not listen. Instead, they are contemplating what they are going to say next, or even concentrating on unrelated matters. It takes a little effort to truly listen to what people are saying and putting all your own thoughts out of your mind for a moment so you can learn from them.

2. Maintain eye contact with the speaker. This is a good exercise to get into a habit of doing because it will help you to become less distracted or keep your thoughts from wondering.

3. Avoid the human tendency to jump to conclusions about what is said before the speaker has finished. Instead, you should listen closely even if you think you know what the person is going to say. Think of yourself as a news reporter with unbiased views and gathering as much information as possible so you can write a detailed report later. Once you have fully understood and absorbed what the speaker is saying, you can form your own opinions at that time. But forming an opinion while the speaker is talking does not allow you to absorb knowledge.

4. Make sure you understand the entire concept before offering any advice or suggestions to others. Sometimes people are so eager to show their enthusiasm that they offer suggestions without realizing the speaker would prefer that they listen rather than give advice. This is not to say that suggestions and solutions are not important. Of course they are, if they are offered at the appropriate time.

5. Stop everything you are doing and give the speaker your undivided attention. It is nearly impossible to concentrate on what someone is saying if you are doing something else. You may be able to take in the gist of what it being said, but you will never absorb all the details. Details are the meat and potatoes of knowledge and should never be missed.

Reading Skills

1. When you read a paragraph make sure you can repeat the meaning of that paragraph before you read any further. It is natural for your mind to wander as you are reading a training manual or other reading material. But you need to train yourself to read and understand every paragraph before you move on to the next. This does not mean that you will gain all the knowledge from that paragraph – just that you understand what the writer is saying.

2. Read with an open, unbiased mind until you fully understand what the writer is conveying. You are trying to obtain knowledge that you currently do not have. If you allow your own biased opinions to clutter up your mind while you are trying to obtain that knowledge, you will get little benefit from the knowledge the writer is giving to you.

3. Always read a book with a yellow highlight marker in your hand. Use it to highlight sentences, paragraphs and sections that stick out as important to you. This way, you can go back through the book and immediately find all the highlighted areas during your second review.

Telephone Skills

1. Organize your thoughts before making the call. No one appreciates a telephone call from a person who takes forever to get to the point. Garbled requests for information can only have one result – failure. You need to organize your thoughts before making the telephone call so you can get right to the point and resolve the issue. If necessary, write down a list of the questions you need to ask or what information you need to obtain; then refer to it when you make the telephone call.

2. Do not put a caller on hold for longer than 1 minute. If you discover you cannot answer the question or solve the problem during the time the caller is on hold, offer to call them back as soon as you have an answer. Then remember to call them back. Most people will wait for you to call them back if you promised to do so. If you still are unable to get the information to help them within 1 hour after promising to call them back, call them anyway and explain that it will take longer than expected. Then, give the caller an expected wait time for you to get the information or solve the problem.

3. Take notes during the telephone call. When someone calls you, train yourself to write down the name of the person and any other notes pertinent to the conversation. This way, you can refer to the person by name during the rest of the conversation and record important information you will use when you hang up the phone.

4. End the telephone call appropriately. Normally the person who calls should be the one who ends the call. But if the caller continues to talk forever and you need the call to end, be professional. Wait for a pause and say something like: "I am sorry to interrupt but I have another appointment. Perhaps we can talk later but thank you again for calling."

5. Return all your calls promptly. A hectic and demanding schedule is no excuse for failing to return a telephone call. Have you ever tried to reach someone repeatedly by telephone, only to have them call you back several days later and tell you they had been so busy they could not call you back? If so, you can imagine how a customer or client will feel when you do the same to them.

Business Email Communications

1. Use the subject line of an email message to inform. The importance of an email is often determined by the subject line. Keep the subject line brief and specific. Make sure it relates to the subject matter of your email. If not, the receiver might accidentally delete it or mistake your email as spam or an unsolicited advertisement.

2. Treat emails like business letters. It is better to be more formal than casual in business email communications. You want to make a good impression.

3. Include a signature line. Nothing is more annoying than receiving an email from someone you want to contact but they provide no name, title, company, telephone number or website information. Do not rely on people being able to reply to your email as their only means to contact you. Often, email can bounce (due to internet glitches) through no fault of your own and your email is never received.

4. Never shout at people by using uppercase letters. Typing in uppercase letters is considered CYBER SHOUTING. As an alternative use asterisks to emphasize words, such as: Please contact us "no later" than Friday.

5. Skip the fancy decorations. Vivid colors, flashing symbols of bouncing smiley faces (better known as emotions) should never be used in business communications. These types of effects should only be reserved for personal email, not business email.

6. Keep your email very brief. Writing long emails about how you emotionally feel about a situation does not get your email read. But do not be too brief either. Provide the business with all the pertinent facts so they have enough information to look up your records and resolve the issue the first time. However, if your email is longer than 2 paragraphs, pick up the phone and call the company to resolve the issue.

7. Remember that no email is private. Every email you send passes through 1,000s of servers before it is delivered to the recipient. Additionally, every email you send is likely to be achieved on 1,000s of computers who make it a point to back up their customer's email data. If you are angry and exhibit irrational behavior in an email, chances are it will come back to haunt you one day.

8. Avoid mood mail. Email messages that convey strong emotions can be easily misunderstood. Never send an email when you are angry. Take time to cool down, count to 100, then go back and re-read your email and edit it before clicking the Send button.

9. Proof every email before sending it to a business. It pays to check your grammar, spelling and punctuation before clicking the Send button. Getting in a hurry does nothing but cost you more time in the long run.

10. Respect the privacy of others. When you send an email that you also want sent to other people, use the BCC (blind carbon copy) function instead of the CC (carbon copy) function. This way, when the person receives your email, there will not be a long list of other email addresses at the top; and they don't have to scroll down through the list to get to the email message.

11. Be very cautious when you use the "Reply All" button on your email program. If you receive an email that was sent to a multitude of people, hitting the "Reply All" button will send your reply to everyone. Unless you want this to happen, do not use this feature.

12. Do not be a pest. If you do not receive a response within 24 hours after sending an email, either send a different email explaining why you are following up or pick up the phone and call the company.

13. Never send an attachment unless you have permission to do so. Most email servers today will automatically strip attachments because they can be considered spam. Unless the company has specifically requested that you send an attachment, never send one.

14. Think twice before sending jokes, chain letters or funny messages. Just because you may think something is funny or cute does not mean the person receiving it will feel the same way. In fact, they may even find them insulting. Do not risk your reputation.

15. When posting a response to a message board, remember that your email is forever edged in stone. Many people forget that when they post a message to a message board, that message is archived forever. The main website that archives every web site that has ever been in existence is The Wayback Machine at http://web.archive.org/

I sincerely hope that you have read this entire article and will use it to improve your communication and listening skills. When you do, you will find that your knowledge will increase and you will become a better asset for the attorneys and business associates you communicate with on a daily basis.

Author Contact Info: Victoria Ring - 713Training.Com LLC
http://www.713training.com

"I knew he was just a jerk, but I couldn't make another one of those phone calls the rest of the afternoon. I felt completely shut down."
Shut down. That sinking feeling that begins like butterflies in the stomach then turns into something that feels like a fist is an event most people can identify with. Like a balloon deflating, our entire emotional state sinks down in seconds. We become quiet, withdrawn, ashamed. Curiously, only certain situations and people tend to "shut us down" and make us lose our personal power. One person criticizes us, and we shrug it off. But another person so much as looks at us the wrong way and we're devastated.

What shuts us down? Usually it is a combination of the following:
Fear of rejection. Carole, 38, admits, "I'm a peacemaker; I hate to upset anyone." Carole doesn't realize that many of the people who get "upset" do it as a way of controlling her. She misinterprets other people's anger as an invalidation of herself. If you believe you can't assert yourself because it might make someone else unhappy, you're stuck avoiding confrontation--and your personal power-- at all costs.

An overdeveloped sense of responsibility. Some people are emotional sponges who soak up all the tensions in a room. "I'll bet John's depressed; I wonder if it's because I didn't return his call; Barry seems upset; maybe I should forget about asking for that new software program."

When your antenna for other people's emotions is tuned that high, the noise (and your imagination) is loud enough to distract you from your goals. Your unwavering focus on pleasing everyone around you is what's shutting you down.

Fear of emotional independence.

Louise, 29, came from a long line of 'victims' who confused suffering with sainthood. "Everyone in my family was depressed about something. If you acted like you believed in yourself, everyone thought you were conceited and the way you got attention was to pretend to be sad." If you believe you're going to get what you want by showing how much others have hurt your feelings, you're shut down before you even start talking.

Fear of risking a relationship.

Do you believe that if you made your feelings and desires known, exactly as they are, no one could possibly accept you? You're a good candidate for getting shut down. The payoff for hiding your true self is always distance from other people. You're bound to be powerless in relationships in which the fear of being fully yourself keeps you on constant guard.
Fear of change. You can be quite comfortable feeling one-down to everyone else if that's what you're used to. Plus, when you exert your personal power, the feedback from others--especially those who have something to gain by your powerlessness--can be quite negative.

You may resist using your personal power because you fear loss. Sometimes this fear is justified. But if you're carrying around unresolved feelings of rejection from the past, this fear will be magnified. To let go of the fear of change, it may be necessary to work with a supportive therapist or group. The more centered you are in your self-esteem, the less you need to fear change.
If you feel shut down by other people, these tips should be helpful:

List your payoffs.

What do you think you'll achieve by giving up your power to other people?: "If I don't fight with him, he'll like me; If I tell her what I really think, it will make things worse; If I'm too pushy, everyone will hate me."

Ask if you achieve your goals via your present behavior.

One woman did this exercise and wrote that the payoff for being the 'perfect employee' and swallowing her feelings was supposed to be her boss's confidence in her. Then she looked at the most recently promoted people in her company. Their qualities differed markedly from hers. They make mistakes. They argued with the boss on occasion. They won their boss's confidence by being fully themselves.

Visualize.

A potent tool for building greater personal power is utilizing the positive experiences in your own past. Create an internal file of memories of success. These don't have to be huge triumphs, just times you felt good about yourself. Build on these feelings and create new visions for future successes. Visualize these experiences in detail as often as you can. What you concentrate on in life increases.

Find your emotional link.

People who are easily shut down usually share a common history: they were invalidated--made to feel as if their feelings, thoughts and actions were unimportant or undesirable--by parents, teachers or early employers. Now they link the use of their personal power with shame and fear. If you blush or smile automatically when you confront a person who's made you angry, that's a giveaway.

Put that shame back where it belongs--on the people who shamed you. Write a letter. You don't have to mail it. You don't have to be fair. Get those feelings out so that they no longer choke your personal power.

You may have grown up in an environment that sabotaged your self esteem. But personal power can be developed. By identifying self-defeating patterns you can learn to empower yourself. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Mitch Meyerson is the author of Success Secrets of the Online Marketing Superstars (Dearborn Trade 2005) and three acclaimed psychology books. Get your free marketing jumpstart kit at http://www.gmarketingcoach.com

1. Accentuate the positive.

Be your own best friend. What do you tell a friend who’s tried something new, whether or not it turned out well? At least you tried something new- good for you!

Accentuate the effort it took in doing something, rather than the final outcome. (You’d do it for your best friend, wouldn’t you?) We all have limitations. The key is to accept that you have them without dwelling on them.

2. Don’t be afraid to take some risks.

When you are about to embark on a new experience, do you spend your time worrying so much about the outcome you aren’t enjoying the moment? If you look at new things in your life as a chance to learn something, it opens up the possibility of you becoming good at that something.

If you spend your time dreading the outcome, you’ll turn any opportunity there might have been into a failure. What’s more, we can’t grow when we are frozen with fear. Don’t set yourself up to fail. If you do, look at number one, again!

3. Use self-talk to keep assumptions away.

We all use self-talk. The key is to use it in a way that we don’t form bad thoughts that can lead to permanent doubts. Catch yourself using negative self-talk and cancel it with something positive and not based on assumptions!

Build confidence by not expecting perfection from yourself at all times. You can only do your very best at something. Nobody can do everything perfectly, so why do you assume that you should be able to?

4. Learn to rely on your self-evaluation.

If you always rely on the opinion of others, you’ll always be wondering what they think! That does nothing to build confidence - it tears it down, by giving away your personal power to others.

Focus on the real you, inside, to find out how you feel about your own actions, how you’ve been doing your job, etc. You’ll be developing a strong sense of who you are.

It’s important to remember that no one can be self-confident all of the time. In fact, you’ll build confidence faster and easier once your realize that.

Most people with low self-esteem or who lack in confidence are that way because of unrealistic expectations. They expect more from themselves than they do others.

A person with low self-esteem will think nothing about calling him or herself a ‘stupid idiot.’ They wouldn’t dream of saying that to someone else. To build confidence it’s a good idea to be your own best friend.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www-confidence.com/

Nor is this a new question. Marsilio Ficino's 15th Century treatise, "The Book of Life," sought to help the Medicis and their merchant counterparts create a renaissance of spirit amid the draining demands of commerce and a new creature called capitalism.

Whether a Renaissance banker or the CEO of a high tech conglomerate, whether a guild master of stonework or a manager of information services, the issue is still one of balance.

But balance is not an equal measure of work, love, prayer and play. Nor is it a state that can be achieved and frozen in form for all time. Rather, this amorphous thing called "balance" is an on-going, deliberate set of decisions that make the journey of life much like the metaphor of sailing.

Consider the single person sailboat. When there is much wind, the little boat appears off balance, moving forward at an angle, sails filled to bursting and the sailor leaning back over the craft, with one hand on the sheet and toes hooked under the railing. What allows the sailor to stay in the boat is that he is connected to all the important parts of that craft. When the wind shifts, so too must the sailor.

Life is also like that. We give ourselves tremendous mental stress when we think that life must balance. Having a different image allows us to see where we might be out of control.

Briefly, there will always be competing and unequal demands upon our time... much like the tug of the tiller or the push of the wind. Depending upon the course we have chosen for ourselves, we respond to these demands. We might decide to change direction, seek harbor, or give full rein to the beating waves and blustery wind. The quality of these decisions depends upon the direction of our sailboat, the prevailing winds, the depth of the water, and the need for overhaul and repair.

Direction refers to the goals, created by our values, which we have established. The wind and the depth of the water represent those people and events, outside our control, which make demands upon our time. Lastly, overhaul and repair stands for the need to cease and desist, to nurture and renew our physical and spiritual self, and to re-examine the course we are sailing.

If we consider sailing as a metaphor for the "balance" we all seek along life's journey, then what is needed are navigational aids. What could help all of us on such a journey is a process, a formula, whereby we might take stock of our decisions, weighing them against our personal values, goals, and physical requirements. Since we are all bound by the same relentless 24-hour day, we would be best served by looking at not how much we can cram into the blocks called "time", but how wisely do we choose what we put into our finite day.

Step 1: Answer these questions to help you determine what is of value to you. Value has more to do with who you are and how you live your life, not what you have achieved. For example, you might value life-long learning, financial security, service to others, loving relationships, and spiritual growth. Once you have identified what is of value, you have a screen with which to filter through goals and activities.

One of the best ways to identify values is to create an imaginary sounding board composed of 4-5 people whom you value and admire and who, in turn, sincerely respect and like you. If each one were to give eulogy, what type of person would they say you were and why. What values arose? What goals or activities supported those values? Isolate those values and write them down. You might even be able to rank order the values.

Step 2: For the period of one week, keep a pad of paper handy and make a note of every task you perform and what role you play. For example, my roles are professional speaker, writer, wife, mother, friend, office worker, manager, daughter, sister, student, volunteer, and just plain ME. The latter refers to a role that nurtures and cares for me, not necessarily anyone else. Amazingly, I've discovered that every task is related to a role and that almost all tasks come in 15 minute increments.

Step 3: On a scale from minus 5 to plus 5, rate these roles and accompanying tasks according to enjoyment and personal value. In looking at the tasks of a week, interesting discoveries arise.

Are the various tasks and roles you've played congruent with the values you've identified? Are you putting more time than is reasonable into some tasks and roles? The operative word here is "reasonable." For example, a special friend lost her husband and had no one to help her with grief and anger, not to mention funeral arrangements and lawyers. My value of service and loving relationships and the role as "friend" and also surrogate "daughter" created many tasks and demands. For me, it would have been unreasonable not to spend considerable time with Jeanne. The sailboat headed in her direction.

Another example. I discovered that I was putting far too much time in the role of "office worker" rather than in the role of "manager". Instead of assigning tasks and growing others, I was taking work on that did NOT need to be done by me. Time to alter course and allow my associates to hold the tiller.

Finally, by putting so much emphasis on the role of professional speaker and its tasks, I had let drop ME. Time to make decisions for overhaul and repair, saying "yes" to a day off, to a day of contemplative silence. I realized that without the silence, all I bring to the platform and my audiences are echoes of words rather than insights.

Step 4: Now that you have identified what is, make a list of questions to ask yourself when you begin to take on a role and task. My list looks like this:

. Does it support my value for life-long learning and make a difference? Will it stop another person from growing?

. Will it stretch my abilities?

I recently accepted an assignment that will cost time, money and effort as well as time away from home. I accepted it because it will move me into trying something that I have never done before... an activity directly related to my role of professional speaking and service.

. Does it allow me to be with people whom I care about?

How often have we all said "yes" to an engagement because we feel "guilty"? The reality is that we find the people tedious, demanding, and downright boring. I have finally determined that if I have limited time with my family and friends, it is perfectly fine to periodically decline such invitations.

. Is it irresistible?

That's right—"Irresistible". Does what you are about to say "yes" to come without a significant doubt. Does the request come without compromise or force from either the offeror or me. There is no emotional blackmail, no "should", no social obligation. Irresistible requests are gifts to be gratefully accepted. If our time is filled only with "resistible" demands, how we will ever be able to accept the irresistible?

. Is it fun and will it allow for creativity and a change of pace?

. Will it create organization and structure in my life? Am I the only one who can do this?

. Will it nurture my physical well-being and respect my natural pace?

I have discovered that unlike many of my colleagues, non-stop travel is exhausting and not fun. My body requires seven hours of sleep, regular exercise and down time. I can take only so many back-on-back engagements before I must say "no". Trusting that I can say "no" is a lesson I struggle to learn.

. Is it authentic to me and of service to others?

I was asked if I would run for the Board of a non- profit. Knowing I have strong organizational and leadership abilities not to mention an ego - saying "yes" to serve the membership SEEMED appropriate. However, when I tested the request against the other questions listed above, more negative responses appeared.

The art of balancing an unequal life means that we seek answers to all these questions before choosing the next activity to put in our life. Yes there will be days, even months, when the pressure of every day pushes us into knee-jerk reactions and work seems to be working us. External forces and folks seem to be pushing us for more, for faster, for further. Once realized, stop. Lower the sails. Breathe. Ask yourself these questions. Remember, there is a big difference between the leading edge and the bleeding edge. Alienation from our authentic, deepest self and each other draws blood. Connection to our core and the humanity around us draws life.

Eileen McDargh is a powerful keynote speaker, recognized work/life leadership expert, and award winning author. Discover your organizational and personal resiliency factor with this free online survey http://www.eileenmcdargh.com/res_free_surveys.html Call toll free 877-477-4718